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Ok, OK, I can't just resist being bad...
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Thread: Ok, OK, I can't just resist being bad...

  1. #1
    Alpha Flight
    Mokole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Western Canada

    Default Ok, OK, I can't just resist being bad...

    Here's my parodyish take on what's been going on.... in September 2005, that is

    Mystery Writer - Gee, Mr. Quesada, I hoped to see you sooner. I guess my Alpha Flight proposal finally worked its way up to you! Great, eh?

    JQ - Yes, Mike Marts says your proposal is really well done and he wants it greenlit for 2006. But we have a problem.

    MW - What's that? Don't you like my take or approach? Is it the characters? What...

    JQ - No, no, I actually haven't read any of your proposal, Marts has been handling all that.

    MW - Yes, he and Mr. Alonso have given me the thumbs up, heck I've been working on scripts since April...

    JQ - But to the problem. See, there are two things. We've got a major villain appearing in New Avengers that will be created by the ending of House of M. We need to make him evil, bad-ass, a guy nobody wants to mess with. Brian Bendis wanted him to do something really destructive, and I told him he should come up with a team for the villain to wipe out handily, without really trying. Bendis suggested the New Warriors or Great Lakes Avengers but I told him to go with somebody bigger. Alpha Flight. So we're killing off Alpha Flight in New Avengers.

    MW - All of them? But , well, I guess I can work around having the Byrne team. I mean, there's over 30 characters I can draw on to make the team, besides my own creation...

    JQ - Well there's that other problem. Mark Millar is writing a huge cross-over for next summer called, "Civil War". One thing he wants is to have American deserters head to Canada. Naturally, some of them will be heroes and will want to remain that way, so they'll be American heroes operating in Canada. I figure Canadians will understand that with, say, an Avengers team in Canada there wll be no need for Department H or Alpha Flight. Alpha Flight fans will just move to the deserter team, say Avengers North or some such thing. In a year or two they'll show up in one of Bendis' books on occasion, and other places, some will be big names after all.

    MW - I don't think Alpha Flight fans will jump onto an Avengers book made up of deserters who just happen to be living in Canada. If I talk to Bendis I'm sure we can work it out, like having Alpha Flight wiped out but no acknowledgment in print of who lived or died. Then Millar can use the Alpha Flight team I'm using in Civil War, and we can work out what the deserters' role will be...

    JQ (closes door) - Look, let me be frank. I don't want an Alpha Flight series. Sure, they have a pretty big following and they were popular for quite a while, still are, but I never really thought that team was made for anything but guest appearances, no offense. I mean Seagle made his book sell over 30,000 an issue but we canned it before I sat in this chair, but I would've canned it too.

    MW - But it was a solid book and a top seller. What's so bad about Alpha Flight?

    JQ - It just never sat right with me that Canada, or Britain even, should have a team. Us, the Russians, China even, superteams belong with superpowers.

    MW - Is that why Excalibur was a useless X-Men knockoff and now it contains mostly American characters?

    JQ - Exactly! The U.S. can have 100 super teams, the Russians one or two, but Mexico? Canada? I can't see it.

    MW - But why wouldn't other countries have their own superteams, or foreigners forming their own teams on their own soil? 30 million in Canada, there'd be a few heroes in the mix, got to be, looking for jobs with Alpha Flight et al. After all, the Avengers...

    JQ - Yah, but see, I'm in the big chair and I get to make the call. That's why She-Hulk got three relaunches in 15 months. I like She-Hulk. That's why Spider-Girl is still around. I like it. It's not that we only publish books I like, if we did we would be publishing a weekly Nightcrawler series...

    MW - You didn't can that one?

    JQ - Nope. Dan Buckley did. Actually, most drops are based on sales but I do tend to promote my favorite titles and let the ones I don't like dry up and die.

    MW - Uhuh.

    JQ - See, we generally get about 80-100 proposals for Alpha Flight every year it's not in production. A while back J. Torres came here with a proposal that many editors liked, a book based on Alpha Flight protecting mutants running away from Sentinels and such, sort of an underground railway for the 21st century if you will. Marts liked it and pushed it but I didn't like the idea of Americans being the bad guys while Canadians open their homes. So I had Torres go back and rework it over a few times.
    In the meantime a buddy of mine, Scott Lobdell, came in with a few ideas. One was for Alpha Flight, a comedy take on them. Sort of, you know, Guardian as always evaluating and thinking too long, Vindicator nagging him and always disagreeing with him, Snowbird as sexpot to fill in for Aurora and get Sasquatch's attention, Sasquatch always distracted, Puck always frustrated and trying to do things by himself, with hilarious consequences... You get the idea. Anyway I liked it but Buckley and Marts said it would never fly, most fans would turn on it and Alpha Flight fans would drop Marvel altogether, which I kind of thought too but I was willing to knock Alpha Flight down a few pegs and get them off everyone's minds. So I went back to Scott and told him the humour was good but he'd have to change Alpha Flight. Turns out he had another proposal in for Hellions, an action-packed European team. I told him to take some of those characters and meld them with his Alpha concept and get back to me on Monday. He came back with 4 of his Hellions with Sasquatch and Nemesis, he even had names figured out. I had Marts tell Torres that Lobdell's plan was bumping his, sorry. Torres didn't like that at all, especially after Scott's book came out.
    I wasn't out to hurt Scott mind you, he just was handy to make Alpha look dumb and get them out of the picture, to show why Canada didn't need a superteam. We never lifted a finger to promote it. Marts wasn't too pleased with what Scott handed in but he was willing to give it a try. We had hired Clay Henry off of Exiles to do the pencils and he hated Scott's work, he wanted out after 6 issues. But we talked him into sticking it out. Marts wanted us to bump Scott after 6 issues and put in another writer with a better take on the team, maybe Tieri or Simone, I hummed and hawed, then when sales bottomed out I cancelled it. Henry said #12 would be his last Alpha Flight unless we fired Scott and hired someone else. But as Scott's book wound down people kept writing in and emailing and standing up at cons to try and keep Alpha Flight in business, just without all the 'stupidity'. People really didn't like Scott's book.

    MW - No duh. Even I thought it sucked, even before it came out. So putting Lobdell on the book failed in the end, so to speak?

    JQ - Yah, sales flatlined, and most people hated his 'take' on the team, just like you. But those Alpha Flight fans just exploded and fought hard to improve the book or get an immediate relaunch. They wouldn't give up. Three of their characters in Weapon X, another trying to kill Wolverine, they're never happy.

    MW - Well, Chuck Austen wasn't exactly popular with most anyone, and turning all of the Alpha Flighters into zombies and villains wouldn't exactly make any Alpha Flight fan happy. It's not like you turned any X-Men or Avengers into villains like that, like Rogue or Bishop, or Hawkeye. Most Marvel fans really want to see Alpha Flight, the heroic team.

    JQ - That's what Marts keeps harping on, and Alonso too. Sometimes even Brevoort agrees. Anyway, you see it's not personal. I like your proposal but with me telling Bendis to whack your team and then Millar planning to flood Canada with American heroes, I can't see it working.

    MW - Well then let me talk to Brian and Mark. Maybe we can work something out that'll fit their stories and still give me room to maneuver. I know them both, I'm sure we can work out something. Believe me, though, it won't wind up being a team of Americans lead by War Machine or USAgent, let me tell you.

    JQ - Funny you mention USAgent, he's... well, I shouldn't say. After all, you know that everything I told you stays here. Otherwise we'll drop you like a hot potato and spread nasty rumours. Believe me, it's happened before. Kidding, just kidding. But do keep quiet about all this.

    Late October....
    MW - OK, we've got it worked out, who lives and dies, how I can work Civil War into my Alpha Flight book, everything, even which foreign characters or deserters will sign on. There's only going to be, at most, 3 deserters or just plain foreigners on the team. Mark was good about it all, so was Brian, it's going to be pretty seamless. Mike Marts is onboard, so are other editors. No problems!

    JQ - Huuuuhhhhhh.... OK, I'll give you a chance. But it can't come out until after Civil War, so you're looking at early 2007 or later, depending on how Civil War works out and what changes are made. Who's your artist?

    MW - Olivier Coipel. He says he'll have character sketches to Mark by early November.

    JQ - He doesn't need to rush, he's got months to think about it.

    MW - One more thing: all of the editors, other staff, even Olivier have asked that you don't talk to Austen, Lobdell, or Liefeld about this or any other project, not until my book hits the shelves. Let's aim for January 2007?

    JQ - Maybe February, we'll see. And if I can't bring in any of those three guys...

    MW - Or anyone like them!

    JQ - Or anyone like them, you can't call the book Alpha Flight.

    MW - Huh?

    JQ - Come up with another name, I don't want to see Alpha Flight cross my desk. Give your concept a new name, start from scratch. Maybe even a new team name. I just don't like the idea of Alpha Flight. Sorry, but that's the deal. No Alpha Flight. You can tie it to that name, use that name in your interviews after Civil War is over, but there will be no Alpha Flight.

    I hope you all found it a little funny , if not cathartic
    Keep your stick on the ice.

    Live it.

  2. #2
    Semper ubi sub ubi Alpha Flight
    Legerd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Realm of the Not-so-great Beasts


    Strangely, I didn't think of it as a parody.

    You are a stupid seal with a small rooster. Translate that into french and you'll get it.

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