Aloha Flight!
The ficlet inspired by one small little typo over at Mile High comics….My humblest of apologies to the Akua and Aina ahead of time…
~~~~~
“Hawaii huh?”
“Yup.”
“Whyyyyyyyy? It’s not like they’re part of the Federation. The Yanks stole them first.”
“True. But it has something to do with a random Inuit spirit gone amok or something…right Snowbird?”
Narya looked at the two and shook her head solemnly. “And seeing as my brethren inhabit the extreme northern part of the northern territories, it’s our job to deal with this.”
“Whoo-hoo!” Zuzha cheered. “Break out the sunscreen and the itsy bitsy bikini eh!”
Walter and Narya shared a look before turning their attention to the exuberant young Asian woman running around looking for said items. “I don’t think it’s that warm there?” Narya stated before Walter interrupted.
“…29C according to the check I did online.”
“How hot?” Narya groaned as she thought if clothing optional was a legal option.
“29C with seventy percent humidity.” Walter smirked.
“And I stored the summer wardrobe already.” The demi-goddess muttered as she went to her room to dig them back out.
Several hours later and a jet landed at the Keahole airport, near Kona on the Big Island of Hawai’i. The perks of personal transportation. “Key ah whole?”
“Kay ole.” Walter corrected. “And about a three hour drive from the Volcano Park. I told you we should have landed in Hilo, Mac.” He added.
“Hilo was busy and the idea of landing the harrier on the world’s most active volcano doesn’t exactly appeal to me.” James Hudson countered.
After an unexpected fight with customs and immigration and a FIVE hour drive, they made it to the world famous Hawai’i National Volcano Park…and the riot of epic proportions playing out thanks to a god simply taking a holiday. So the poor deity wanted some sun and it was already October. Why not go and visit the home of the Polynesian kin and enjoy the sea and sun that makes the islands a paradise year round?
Well ideally it would have worked out except the kin he’d chosen was notorious for her eternal foul mood and it showed. Geologists and Volcanologists the world over were foaming at the chops at the spectacular eruptions of Kilauea. The island’s residents were praying for a miracle…and for their precious lives to be spared. Pele was not known as the greatest of hostesses by any stretch of the imagination.
“We are going to die!” Zuzha stated when she saw the plume of lava flying skyward from the volcano’s crater. Snowbird didn’t hear her though as she rose to the sky and called out to her kin.
“Nauja, you must return home!” Snowbird screamed as loud as possible. “The island cannot take much more of this!” The air shimmered and the next thing the members of Alpha Flight knew they were on the beach and not attired as they had been.
“What the hell?” Heather stated as she rushed to cover her bare chest.
“Hmm. Tapa cloth.” Walter stated as he knelt down to inspect the hem of Zuzha’s skirt. Any further discussion was cut off by a cacophony of noise on the shore. “Uh-oh…the natives are restless?”
“In short…We’re in trouble.” Snowbird stated. “My cousin has hurled us through time for whatever reason.”
“Oh great! So we’re the first Caucasians…err non Polynesians” Walter corrected as he glanced at his team mates. “…That they’ve ever seen, then?”
“Among other things.” Narya added.
The members of Canada’s greatest team of heroes watched the ruckus on the shore as warriors hurled spears at a departing voyaging canoe. The proud man standing on the prow of the canoe managed to catch a few of the incoming spears and toss them back half heartedly.
“What are they doing, eh?” Eugene Judd piped up. “Making fruit salad?” He added jerking a thumb at a group of women smashing coconuts and bananas.
“Oh ****.” Walt said after a minute. Between looking at the women and the spear tossing he recalled something from his studies that told him what was going on. Turning his gaze skyward he searched the sky for the constellation he recalled from his lessons. Finally directly above them he spotted what he was looking for. A bright star shone in the middle of the constellation of Pleiades, he laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Heather drawled.
“JP’s gonna regret missing this trip!” Walter laughed. True his former comrade had his own missions to contend with, with the X-Men, which is why he turned down the request for assistance in the first place, but still.
“Why…?”
“This is the start of the Makahiki season.” Walter smirked. “Four months of feasts, no work, no wars, and lots of sex!”
“And there are no social taboos regarding choice of partners I take it?” Narya asked.
“Nope. Or number of!” Walter laughed.
“Okay! Which way is the village?”
“DAD!” Zuzha exclaimed.
“She has a point.” Puck heard as a massive orange paw settled on his shoulder.
“Cook’s crew is going to decimate the native population with STD’s, soon enough anyway.” Shaman added.
Puck shrugged and wet a finger in his mouth before holding it up to feel for a breeze. He waited a few moments before counting down the seconds. Sure enough he heard a ‘damn’ and the massive paw holding him in place began to shrink back to its usual furless state.
“Damn Doc!” Zuzha cheered. The air shimmered again suddenly and they were dressed as they had been and back at the crater of Kilauea. “Damn it!” Zuzha pouted.
“Um…not to distract anyone here.” Walt started, glaring at Zuzha. “But who’s the chick out in the lava with the short guy?”
“The ‘short guy’ would be Nauja, my cousin.” Narya stated.
“And I’m guessing the woman is Pele.” Shaman added. “Capricious little minx isn’t she?” He added with a smirk as they watched the deities fight it out on the lava pool.
“Thankfully she has distracted Nauja enough that he forgot he hurled us through time.” Snowbird added. “Such a shame.” She added with a sly smile while glancing to her other lycanthrope teammate.
“Hey! You’re the one who put it back…” Walter began to argue.
“I really hate to break this up folks but we do have two deities fighting it out not more then a hundred metres away from us and if we don’t figure out something soon we’re going to be very DEAD!” Heather interrupted.
“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” Narya spoke up as she watched a great cloud of steam rise from the ocean. “We’re about to have company.”
The team watched as the steam sank to the ground near them and began to coalesce into the form of two women. One dressed in the rich blues of the ocean and the other with striking red hair and dressed in the hide of a shark. Michael Twoyoungmen went about recalling his legends to try and figure out who the new guests were. Pele inadvertently helped him when she addressed the two.
“What you two want?” She exclaimed, and then did a double take at the red head. “And what you doing out of Pu’u loa?” As Pele addressed her sisters, Michael leaned in a little closer to Walter.
“Pu’u loa? Where have I heard that before?” He whispered.
Walter had a blank look on his face before recalling the name. “The Hawaiian name for Pearl Harbour.”
“Ah…ohhh. Well, at least that explains the shark tooth jewellery.” Michael said after a moment. Slightly in front of the two men, Narya made a small sound. “We could have just asked you huh?”
“Yes.” Narya smiled. “Namakaokahai and Ka’ahu’pahau, the goddesses of the sea and sharks respectively.” Just as Narya finished it began to snow in a tight column.
“Snow? Here? Yer kidding!” Zuzha piped up.
“No, Poli’ahu has come too.” Narya said as the snow began to take shape into another woman dressed in white. “Besides?” Narya turned to Zuzha. “What do you think that is over there?” She said pointing to snow covered summit of Moana Kea.
“Huh…I’ll be damned.” Zuzha muttered before turning her attention back to the divine conference before her.
“Pele what wen piss you off dis time?” Namakaokahai asked her fiery sister. “And who dat?” She added when she spotted Narya’s cousin in the background.
“Him?” Pele exclaimed. “He da reason I pissed off in da first place! Some hoale from up north.”
“Bit far from da polar bears, cuz.” Poli’ahu muttered.
“I just wanted a break from winter.” Nauja muttered. “Then she got her skirt in a wad and has been trying to burn me.” Poli’ahu grabbed Pele before she could throttle Nauja for the comment and addressed the Inuit spirit.
“First cuz, you wen pick da worst hostess for your trip.” Pele struggled in her sister’s grasp but remained silent. Scowling at the squat man responsible for the ruckus in the first place instead. “Second…” Poli’ahu continued. “What wrong wit winter? I quite like it.”
“You da only one.” Ka’ahu’pahau muttered.
“Winter lasts a few weeks, if that for you.” Nauja reminded the snow goddess. “Not ten months of the year.”
“So?”
“So I wanted a break?” Nauja retorted.
Ka’ahu’pahau stepped forward and took Nauja by the arm. “Come wit me and I show a nice place for relax…one where she NOT digging her fire pits!” The shark goddess shot a glare at Pele. Pele replied by poking her tongue out at the two. Steam began to rise from the ground as the shark goddess escorted the Inuit spirit away from the volcano and its volatile mistress.
“That was easy.” Heather muttered as her teammates watched the remaining goddesses.
“Auwe!” Namakaokahai cursed. “Look at da mess you wen make!”
Pele was about to start in on her older sister when she got a good look at the roughly two kilometres of brand new land. “Ooo!”
Ka’ahu’pahau reappeared suddenly before her sisters. “K den, da snow man is chilling out on Kauai safe and sound from every ‘ting.” She reported. “And your other little ‘project’?” She added glaring at Pele. “It wen double in size, I jus wen check.”
“Really?” Pele beamed.
“Really…” Poli’ahu hid a smirk behind her hand as Namakaokahai and Ka’ahu’pahau glared at their sister.
“Other little project…?” Michael muttered.
“Loihi.” Walter replied. “The ninth island in the chain when it breaks the surface of the ocean however long from now.”
Pele had finally calmed down when she spied the Alphans. Staring straight at Narya her voice was cold. “Don’t tell me? You on vacation too?”
“We are merely here to retrieve Nauja, nothing more.” Narya bowed to the fire goddess.
“Good!” Pele said then groaned. “Oh what he want now?” She asked as a gull landed at Narya’s feet.
The gull changed to Nauja and he pointed to his cousin and her friends. “Just getting them honest!” And with that the team disappeared along with Nauja.
“What would dey tink if I went and bother dem up north?” Pele piped up after a while, her eyes betraying her devious thoughts.
“You’d freeze.” Poli’ahu replied.
“Or Sedna would eat you, one of the two.” Namakaokahai added.
“Oh. Good point.” Pele sighed.
Meanwhile…
“Where are we now?” Mac asked as he surveyed the deserted beach at the foot of impressive sheer sea cliffs.
“I’d say the Na Pali coast…judging from pictures I’ve seen on tourism brochures.” Michael piped up.
“Which is on Kauai?” Mac asked.
“Yep.” Walter agreed.
“Which is about five hundred kilometres away from Kona?”
“Yep.”
“And the jet…”
“Nope!” A gull squawked and materialised into Nauja. “I moved it to Lihue!”
Nauja’s enthusiasm lasted for a moment until he spotted the collective glare from the Alphans. “Oh come on! You’re in paradise and you’re not going to take advantage of it?” And with that Nauja turned back into a gull and took off.
Zuzha shrugged. “Who am I to argue with an all powerful spirit eh? Surf’s up!” And she dashed into the calm blue waters.
“When in Rome…” Mac muttered and flopped down into the warm sand.
“We really need to have a little talk about the rest of the family.” Heather sighed to Narya.
“Oh yeah…”
“But! We’re here, so let’s enjoy it.” And with that Heather went to the water to go swimming.
Fin.
(Notes: The Hawai’ian goddesses speech patterns are based on the hybrid English commonly used in the islands, called Pidgin English.
Yes there is a snow goddess in Hawai’ian lore, actually there’s four of them, but I could only recall the one, Poli’ahu.
Namakaokahai and Pele are bitter rivals. Namakaokahai spends her days trying to put out Pele’s fires, while Pele tries to build new land with her lava.
Sharks are revered in Polynesian beliefs and Ka’ahu’pahau is the Hawai’ian shark goddess charged with protecting the people and Pearl Harbour, her home…also known as Pu’u loa. Or ‘water long’ as it literally translates into English.
Loihi is a sea mount 22 miles southwest of the Big Island that scientists reckon will become the ninth Hawai’ian Island. It just has another 3000 metres and a few dozen millennia to go before it even breaks the surface of the ocean.
The writer (me) has the greatest respect for the beliefs of the Polynesians and the Hawai’ians in particular. I wrote the goddesses of the islands in a way to keep with the humour I was aiming for and in no way intended to offend.
Nauja is an Inuit name meaning ‘gull’, hence why he has a tendency to shift back and forth from one. Gulls are actually quite rare in Hawai’i, and are usually only found further north in places like Midway Island, which is part of the Hawai’ian chain.)
