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Originally Posted by Nufan2af
Okay this is a quick Synopsis of how I would do first episode of Alpha Flight evolution. Not great I know but best i can do. Plz rate.
Gladly. Actually, I'm going to make direct comments here...
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Episode 1: Recruiting part 1
James Hudson is training in training room. He is wearing a battle suit. He is about seventeen.
Okay first off, great description, but I'm not a fan of having the Hudsons as teenagers. Just because the X-Men: Evolution involved most of these people being kids still doesn't mean that the same rule applies.
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'Hudson?' Gary asks. Any relation of hers? She sais no it's just a coincedence.
Everything before this is good, but now we've hit a problem. If Heather and James are still going to be teenagers, then Heather - by rights - should still be with her maiden name ('MacNeil'). That still opens Mac to being Heather's boyfriend (instead of husband) without getting creepy.
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She then moves onto buisness asking if Department H is going to get its funding, if it's going to get the go ahead. Gary sais that it's hard. Can they really justify this. Can they really give them the permission. Heather points out the American goverment has legalised the X-men. Gary points out that this isn't America and the goverment doesn't want a group of akward teenagers pitching themselves against dangerous criminals, super powers or not.
You just argues my case for me in that last sentence. Make a handful - ie: Guardian and Heather, Sasquatch and Shaman - adults. Make them the adult quotient of this team, along the same lines as Storm, Prof X, Wolverine and Beast were in the XME series.
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They argue a bit more but eventually Heather asks for a chance, just one chance. Any hickups and she would close it up. Just a chance!
Gary looks over her selected candates files and reflects these kids have had it rough. She points out thats why she chose them, to give them a second chance, to let them prove themself. Gary sais fine. He will give them the permision and a limited founding. She thanks him constantly. He sais 'Hey what are freinds for.'.
Okay, why is Cody making friends with minors?? SOunds a little suspicious to me.
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Two weeks later. The yukon
Puck, vertically challange sixteen year old and Walter [Langkowski - important to many a fan that we get the names correct] hurtle into their camp carrying boxes.
Okay, here we've hit a snag already. The idea of Puck as a 16 year old - in my opinion - just doesn't work. Puck's too well recognised as an adult in his late 30's or 40's. However, with this description, Walt COULD work.
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Puck remarks they got great haul this time, Walter is nearly in tears, he has been cut. Puck laughs at him saying he is big scary hairy. Walter sais he isn't right now and he doesn't want to be right now. Puck sais maybe he needs some encouragement and launches himself at Walter nocking him off the cliff edge over the thirty foot fall. Walter becomes Big and hairy Sasquatch and jumps back up smashing his fist into Puck. The two battle a bit but then a motor bike pulls up and James Hudson gets off it. He explains he is from department H a goverment orgaisation recruiting team mates ect. He asks what they think. Are they intrested? Puck tells him not a chance. Mutant Dwarf freak and Big Scary Hairy Hulk wannabe arn't exactly Super hero stuff. Walter sais that maybe they should listen to him. Puck yells hasn't he got it good here. Timid Walter replies that it is great here but he'd like to give it a try. Puck sais fine be a jerk and storm s away. Walter calls after him but doesn't follow. James sais he's sorry, but Walter sais it's okay. He'd like to give it a chance. James sais good he needs his help.
Okay, let me get this straight: Walt's a cry baby?? Yeah, I can think of a handful of people who'd hate that description. But, for the sake of something 'new', I think I could live with that. The only thing I have a problem with with this scene is it had absolutely no drive to it. I make next to no sence in the plot. To me, it's a gratuitous fight scene designed to introduce characters, with no real meat to it. See, a scene like this would be a great way to introduce an interesting plot point (you'd have to do it very subtly, I'd add) later down the road, like, in the second season. But what we have here, is gratuitous violence with no meat.
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Two days later. Near Toronto
At a monestry school two miles out side toronto James talks to the head Nun asking if he could talk to Jeanne-Marie Beaubier. The nun sais she isn't here, never has been. James sais she is she was adopted here after her parents and brother where killed in a car crash. The Nun sighs and sais she ran away two months ago. She sais she didn't inform the police because the church might close founding for lack of teachings. Before James can reply there is a crash from deep inside. Sasquatch appears and sai he has found her. They rush to a basement and find Jeanne-Marie locked their covered in bruises and scars.
Okay, fist off, I LIKE this idea! But this is more 'comic book' worthy, and not 'Saturday morning cartoon' - which we're aiming for. Sorry to say it, but no broadcaster would show this to a group of kids. Sure, we're writing this for US - mostly adults - but, like it's predecessor, this show has to be geared towards kids, with a few keys to lock in the fan community. The idea of neither of the twins not knowing the other is alive, that is a good idea.
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They break her out and James sais that it is gonna be alright. He turns to the nuns and tells them they are done. The cops are on their way. Over a comunication radio he tells Heather he got the big hairy guy and Mutant girl but no go on the theif guy. He walks off as the Nun is yelling the girl is a freak, heathen monster, spawn of Satan. He doesn't look back.
Again, compelling scene, but will never fly for a saturday morning cartoon, based on the language alone. Another problem anyone who writes this series is going to face is, no matter how much the writer wants to, we're NEVER going to be able to show directly Jean-Paul's sexuality. Trust me, no one will moan and groan more about it than I will, but it's the industry we've got to take into consideration.
